Confessions of an Addicted Curler

Wednesday pm.  Drove to Lethbridge.  Watched my first evening draw ever of the Scotties Tournament of Hearts live.

Thursday am.  Had coffee with an old high school friend.  Friend leaves 10 mins before draw time.  Jessmo races to Lethy from C-holm.  Makes it to the Enmax Centre under an hour just in time for the last rock of the 3rd draw.  My intention was to return to Cowtown after the afternoon draw, but decide to stay in town for the Thursday evening draw and drive home after 9pm.

Friday am. Head to the Enmax at 8:30am to watch the Alberta vs. Ontario tiebreaker after crashing at my brother’s place. Decide to stay for yet another tie-breaker game following AB’s win.  Alberta vs. PEI.  Game ends 4ish.  Jetset in my Mazda roadster to Cowtown so that I can watch the PEI vs. Manitoba semi-final.  Arrive in Cowtown 6:30ish in time to watch the remaining 7 ends.

Saturday pm.  12:30-4:30pm.  Watch another semi-final game – Manitoba vs. Team Canada.  Then curl myself at 7pm at the Calgary  Curling Club (one of the home clubs of Cheryl Bernard, the skip of our AB team at the 2007 Scotties).

Sunday pm.  12:15-2:30pm. Curl again myself at the Garrison Curling Club.  My teammates and I position the television so that during our game we can check the score of the Scotties final.  After my game ends, watch the last 3 ends of the final.  Curl again myself at the Garrison Curling Club at 7pm.

Sunday night.  Go to sleep with Cheryl Bernard’s book “Between the Sheets” in hand.

Addicted?  Meh.

Anti-Cupid Coup Soundtrack

My friend Kikmo and I decided to develop soundtracks to accompany our “Bite me Cupid” revolution.  The lyrics from our songlists are empowering, comforting (in the sense they confirm you are not alone in your feelings), and bolstering (if you need to get over the stupid boy/stupid girl in your life).

Kikmo’s Soundtrack, with an indie, contemporary pop rock flavour:

1. “I Didn’t Like You Anyway” – The Donnas -

2. ”Kerosene” – Miranda Lambert -

3. “Lying is the most fun a girl can have with her clothes on”  – Panic at the Disco -

4. ”Walk Away” – Kelly Clarkson -

5. “I Don’t Care (So There)” – The Donnas -

6.  “I Used to Love You” – John Legend -

7. “Shake it Off” – Mariah Carey -

8. “Song for the Dumped” – Ben Folds -

9. “This is How a Heart Breaks” – Rob Thomas -

10. “Better do Better” – Hard-Fi -

11. “You’ll Think of Me” – Keith Urban -

12. “What Goes Around Comes Around” – Justin Timberlake -

13. “I Will Survive” – Cake -

14. “Instant Pleasure” – Rufus Wainwright -

15. “Jump” – Madonna -

16. “Broken Heart, Torn Up Letters” – Lost Prophets

17. “Talk to Me, Dance with Me” – Hot Hot Heat

 Jessmo’s Soundtrack with a country flavour:

1. “Picture to Burn” – Taylor Swift -

2. “Wasted” – Carrie Underwood -

3.  “(Now you see me) Now you don’t” – Lee Anne Womack -

4. “Who I Am” – Jessica Andrews -

5. “The Long Way Around” – Dixie Chicks -

6. “Gone” – Aaron Pritchet -

7. “Waitin’ on the Wonderful” – Aaron Lines -

8. “I’m Just Gone” – Doc Walker -

9. “Settlin’ ” – Sugarland

10. “Fireflies” – Faith Hill -

11. “My Heart’s Not a Hotel” – Brooks & Dunn -

12. “She Ain’t Hooked on Me No More” – Toby Keith and Merle Haggard -

13. “Somethings Gotta Give” – LeAnne Rimes -

14. “You’re Not Gonna Miss Me” – Aaron Pritchet -

15. “Before He Cheats” – Carrie Underwood

16. “She Ain’t Missin’ Missin’ Me” – Jason McCoy -

17. “I’m Outa Here” – Shania Twain -

18. “Stand” – Rascal Flatts -

19. “Forget About You” – Dierks Bentley-

20. “Stupid Boy” – Keith Urban -

21. “Love Your Memory” – Miranda Lambert -

Bite Me Cupid

As much as I’m content with my singleton status, I dread February 14^th.  Stories of love and relationship success abound on the radio and in talk shows.  The color red is abundant.  Advertisements declare what you should get your valentine.  Even my blogger community acknowledged the day albeit in a mocking tone. In an odd twist – I feel the atmosphere connected to this day is not about celebrating ‘love’ but about drawing attention to those who are single.  I saw a personal ad this year on late night television claiming that because ‘love is in the air’ it is the best time to trade-in your singleton status; people are looking!  Ads such as these make me want to puke and pull out my Sex and the City DVD collection STAT so I can gorge myself with moments of heroine emotional triumph to remind myself that it is ok, and satisfying, to be single.  Yet, even in my search for emotional bolstering, I must carefully forego the resolution portion of the plotline when my favorite singleton heroines find their man. I recognize here that I might sound bitter.  But Valentine’s Day has the capacity to turn perfectly, rational people – who were previously content with their lives – into bumbling idiots harvesting fantasies about what (read: who) is missing from their life.  I decided this year I was going to take action and celebrate Valentine’s Day differently.  I was not going to sit home alone and crank up “All by myself” by Eric Carmen on the stereo and drown sorrows that I did not have on February 13^th with a bottle of wine.  Instead, I celebrated what IS fabulous about my life – and went and got drunk with my gang of gal pals.  We dined at Wendy’s, dressed up sexy, and collectively drank $144 worth of Cosmopolitans, plus a wide assortment of other alcoholic beverages.   

We formed a group on Facebook.com to commemorate the occasion.  Our group is called “Bite it Cupid” and the description is as follows: For Singleton’s only.  An organization against the commercialization of the quest for companionship.  Putting an end to truth games enacted by the discourse of romance.   The evening was an outrageous success.  Admittedly though, the tone of the evening conflated.  It was a double-edged sword: we were both giggly gals totally engrossed in our friendship for one another, but at the same time, yearned to go out on the prowl.  My friend said when we were prepping, “We are going to get noticed tonight!”  So, where goes putting an end to truth games enacted by the discourse of romance?  And, do I seriously want to put an end to this particular truth game?  I aspire to be in a relationship one day despite my V-day hostility and disgruntlement.  Or rather, is my mission to rethink how we do romance, or more specifically, how I do romance in my own life?   

“Bite me Cupid” day was about just that – it was an attempt to revision the discourse of romance – but I wonder if there discursive space for being both content as a singleton while still harvesting the desire to be on the prowl.  The dichotomous and hierarchical separation between being “single” and in a “relationship” is a constant reminder that if there is room, the space is slight.  My friend aptly noted that on your storyline page in Facebook a heart by default represents to your network that you are in a relationship.  Further, if you state you were in a relationship initially but later become single, a broken-heart is indicated.  Is the grass really that much greener on the other side?  From my experience with relationships and listening to friends who are in them, it is widely apparent relationships are “work.”  Sure, there are instances when the singleton status is positioned on a pedestal – but the moments are rare, fleeting, gendered, and reserved as appropriate behaviour for a certain section on the lifecourse.  Where goes the celebration of being a “singleton”?  We need a be single day!

Observations of an Anxious Armchair Curler

 

 

Excerpt from the National Post, October 23, 1999

 

It’s hard to believe how worked up I can get over it.

I’m right on the edge of my seat.

I get nervous.  I start sweating.

I’m watching curling.

 

Some people will laugh, but a lot more won’t.  Curling’s much more of a sport than most people realize.  The thinking required, and the strategy, absolutely capture me.  You’d be surprised how many National Hockey League players can be found sitting in their hotel rooms in the middle of a road trip watching curling somewhere.  I’ve been hooked on the game since I played for the Edmonton Oilers.

 

Hockey players were thrilled to be staying in the Olympic Village.  It was like being a kid again or off to a tournament and billeted.  I like to think some of those other athletes got to know a completely different side of hockey players.  We got along wonderfully with everyone else, whether they were skiers or snowboarders or speed skaters.

 

Or curlers, of course – with me leading the cheering in that department.

 

- Wayne Gretzky -

 

 

My Wish

New plan.

I am going to drop out of school and become a professional curler.  Look out Suzanne Gaudet, Jennifer Jones, and Kelly Scott.  Here comes Team Jessmo.

Cosmetic surgery, meh!

Baby Born in Pink Cadillac

 

From:  http://www.wkyt.com/news/headlines/5907666.html

“He’s perfect. There’s nothing wrong with him,” said Shonda Durham.

“He’s a miracle. The Lord must have been with us because everything worked out right,” said Rick Durham.

Like most new parents, Shonda and Rick Durham are proud of their family’s new addition. But baby Jameson didn’t have your everyday typical delivery.

“I could tell I was getting ready to have him. I was sitting in the front seat and he was there. It just happened so fast,” Shonda said.

On the way to the hospital this Mary Kay beauty consultant gave birth to baby number three.“He definitely was determined to get here,” Shonda said.

She usually makes business deliveries in her pink Cadillac but she had no idea she’d be delivering something so special inside of it.

“Not only did he come home in one, he arrived in one,” Shonda said.

While still driving, Rick stayed on his cell phone with a 911 dispatcher during the entire delivery. They told Shonda to feel the umbilical cord for a heartbeat to make sure the baby was healthy. Baby Jameson was born strong weighing in at seven pounds and seven ounces.

“He’s a great little brother I love him,” said Hayden Durham, the big brother.

As if being born in a Pink Cadillac wasn’t unique enough, his birth certificate is also different than other newborns.

“It say I-75 on it at mile marker 67,” Rick said.

By the way, the nurses at the hospital gave baby Jameson the nickname Roadrunner.

Thanks to serendipitously at wordpress.com for directing my attention to this article!

Thankful

Dear Sir Alexander Fleming,

I would like to thank you for all your hard work and dedication put towards inventing penicillin.  Without your discovery, I would have had a very unpleasant and unproductive reading week.  I am also informed that if penicillin was not available my case of tonsillitis could have developed into rheumatoid fever.  It is during bouts of illness like I have experienced during the past few days that one becomes thankful for the skills, knowledge, and contributions of others.

Sincerely,

Jessmo

Cadillac Boozin’ Buckle

Cadillac 3-some obtains first Stampede 2007 outfit merchandise.  Paired with themed T-shirts will make me and my gang sexy cowgirls!  1 outfit down, 9 more to go.

Doggie Naming Dilemma

My Mom breeds Pomeranian’s.  Many Pom’s have traveled in and out of her kennel, but throughout the past two years there has not been one successful conception.  Nevertheless, the kennel SugarFix Pom’s has not been without excitement.  Here’s a cursory list of what has taken place:

 

-  Gracie broke her knee-cap prompting a series of very expensive surgeries.  Her show career is caput but shows promise breeding.

-  Abigail is under-weight and therefore cannot be breed.  She has moved to Red Deer to live with a family there.

-  Scully infected the kennel with Giardia (aka ‘Beaver Fever’) upon arrival, and then infected the kennel a second time around.  It was a very shitty mess, literally!  He was recently returned to his point of origin in the U.S.

- Stash was thought to need a circumcision, a problem the vet alleviated through other means.

- Star had to leave for similar reasons (ask me this story when I’m drunk, it’s fantastic and involves putting on the market doggie dildos)

As you can tell, Sugar Fix Pomeranian’s has experienced difficulties getting off the ground.  Two new male Pomeranians arrive from New Brunswick in several weeks hopefully bringing Sugar Fix Pom’s breeding success.  Their names are Niblet and Sniper.  Sniper is who you see above. 

Upon receiving this news, an email exchange has taken place between my Mom and me concerning the name of one of these canine companions:

Jessmo: I’m not sure I can be associated with someone who has a dog named Sniper.  That name has got to go.

Mom: The problem is that he was formally named Jenuwane A Shot in the Dark and her kids came up with Sniper.  I’m thinking of changing it to Swiper who is a character in the Dora cartoons but he unfortunately is known for stealing things.

Jessmo: I’d much rather have a “stealer” in the family than someone who shoots things.

Mom: Or we might just have to “lighten up” and realize dogs can’t use guns!  It has a cute sound to it…  I’m just not sure.  Confused old woman.

What do you think?  Would you name your dog “Sniper”?

Frownies

 

New word, new product… 

From Frownies.com: 

Frownies are facial pads made from natural, skin-friendly materials. Frownies are applied to the forehead and corners of the eyes and mouth to gently re-educate the underlying muscles to assume their correct, relaxed and natural appearance. Frownies, in fact, allow the deep expression lines to heal leaving younger, relaxed-looking skin.These amazing results were achieved after using Frownies every night for only 3 weeks. More results can be expected with continued use and may vary from one person to the next.

I wish my imagination was this vivid.

I can’t keep up.  Anti-aging dictionary, anyone?