Weekend Comedy

5 events to be featured on “Jessmo’s Reality Show” if garnered a contract by FOX to capture the reality that was my life this past weekend:

1. Curled against a 83-year old women on her birthday.

2. Curled whilst negoitating my way around two frozen, dead pigs positioned behind the hack on Sheet 4 at the Claresholm Curling Rink who were later roasted on a spit.

 3. Attemped to convince my mother not to purchase a mulberry coloured Pet Stroller to showcase her new Pomeranian’s at dog shows this summer.  Mission an abyssmal failure.

4. Watched my Dad belly dance ontop of a pool table to win a BBQ.  Fucking hilarious!

5. Assured my grandmother that my 87-year old grandfather is not in the hospital with an unidentified source of bleeding because he ate something “sharp.”

Doggie Naming Dilemma

My Mom breeds Pomeranian’s.  Many Pom’s have traveled in and out of her kennel, but throughout the past two years there has not been one successful conception.  Nevertheless, the kennel SugarFix Pom’s has not been without excitement.  Here’s a cursory list of what has taken place:

 

–  Gracie broke her knee-cap prompting a series of very expensive surgeries.  Her show career is caput but shows promise breeding.

–  Abigail is under-weight and therefore cannot be breed.  She has moved to Red Deer to live with a family there.

–  Scully infected the kennel with Giardia (aka ‘Beaver Fever’) upon arrival, and then infected the kennel a second time around.  It was a very shitty mess, literally!  He was recently returned to his point of origin in the U.S.

– Stash was thought to need a circumcision, a problem the vet alleviated through other means.

– Star had to leave for similar reasons (ask me this story when I’m drunk, it’s fantastic and involves putting on the market doggie dildos)

As you can tell, Sugar Fix Pomeranian’s has experienced difficulties getting off the ground.  Two new male Pomeranians arrive from New Brunswick in several weeks hopefully bringing Sugar Fix Pom’s breeding success.  Their names are Niblet and Sniper.  Sniper is who you see above. 

Upon receiving this news, an email exchange has taken place between my Mom and me concerning the name of one of these canine companions:

Jessmo: I’m not sure I can be associated with someone who has a dog named Sniper.  That name has got to go.

Mom: The problem is that he was formally named Jenuwane A Shot in the Dark and her kids came up with Sniper.  I’m thinking of changing it to Swiper who is a character in the Dora cartoons but he unfortunately is known for stealing things.

Jessmo: I’d much rather have a “stealer” in the family than someone who shoots things.

Mom: Or we might just have to “lighten up” and realize dogs can’t use guns!  It has a cute sound to it…  I’m just not sure.  Confused old woman.

What do you think?  Would you name your dog “Sniper”?